Night by 9 I reached my room. I opened the locked door. It’s dark in and out. No one was there to greet me. I said ‘hi’ to the darkness and entered into the room. I locked the door from inside. Still it was dark; no sound other than my foot step. I changed my cloths and entered in to bathroom, still darkness remains same. I opened the tap; only sound of that water occupied the whole room.
I dried my face with towel. Came into living room I sat on that easy chair. Chair made some noise. Still it was dark. I didn’t felt to switch on lights. Darkness remains as same as I entered the room. Room was full of silence. I was not clear about what I have to think. Again I got up from the chair. It sounds again. I took a shower for fifteen minutes. I came out with all wet. I didn’t even take towel. I sat on the same chair.
What I searched in darkness? Nothing I was searching. Just thinking about what I lost. Why I’m still… I know I spent days with smiles and sounds long way. This is my time to be with my silence. My eyes were not closed. All I decided is ‘No more tears for the same reason again and again’. I felt myself as a stupid.
I’m struggling to swim in the dead ocean. I fell because I felt you are in it, without even realizing that I don’t know to swim. Once I jumped into it I found what I seen was just your image on that clear dead ocean. You are still on the shore and smiling at me. I sank many times and came out. After few struggling I looked at your side you were not there. All I remember now is your last smile.
This was not a dream but it is.
I went in front of the mirror. Not clear image I seen in that darkness, I seen dark shade in my face. I stared at myself. No change I found except the bald head. I want to be bald to remind myself not to thing and not to forget.