Rainy Independence Day

Morning ... August 15, 2013... Raining...

This rainy Independence Day pushed me to grow younger. I remember my school days, may be patriotism, I always want to go school on Independence Day but not my mom. We have parade on morning by 8am followed by that there will be speech competition then dance, price distribution and last sweet distribution. Hardly 4 hours.

I believe that should be on ninth standard, mean 15^th August 2000, and was raining heavily. My brother told like he’s not going to attend the school. My mom was looking at me. I smiled and told like I want to go. She shouted, ‘yes, he’s the chief guest. Without him nothing will happen in school. See, nobody goes only he’s going to hoist the flag. Go, you’ll find a board in front of your school gate saying no function today due to rain. Just for one to two hours you want to spoil that white shirt and shoe’.

By hearing all those words I just prepared myself to go school. By the time she stopped shouting or maybe just by seeing me in white shirt.

I went, no board was there and all my friends were there in parade line. I joined in that again a wonderful day.

But last weekend I asked my friend ‘you've holiday next week?’ he surprised me by asking ‘for what?’

I told this incident to my assistant manager, he gave me a shock by saying when his daughter told she has holiday on next week his reply was like is it for republic day.

I'm not saying this new BPO, MNC industries are changing us. We have some event or at least an email wishing Happy Independence Day. But it’s us forgetting our own days just by running behind money. We are marketing our knowledge on where we get good price, may be by working on BPO or MNC or working in abroad. So it’s our responsibility to keep our things safe to present that to our own next generation, nothing to blame our customers. Learn work life balance and know to differentiate work from life. Work is to earn n life is not only to live, it’s your responsible to design it.

I can't be goob :P

It’s me...

I never let any relationship get deep to me

But I plant one deep inside me

As they’re me...

Though I know that they gonna leave me...

I hardly trust one

And I pray that they should never understand me

Coz I love the pain of being abandoned

Dark after dark never show the difference

I go to the light... Brightest

Then I smash everything to feel the darkest dark

I lay on one shoulder

I rest on only one nest

I shut all the doors around

I set fire n wander like abandoned child

I love the pain...

It’s not the curse I walk alone

I love to walk like an orphan

As who cares

I run with my own legit

I never want anyone to get me rid out of it

I walk into it again n again

It’s me..

I create complication

I put myself in suffocation

I see myself suffering

I drown in my tears... Bleed... suffer

I never get upset...

If you see me dead

Then believe me I’m not the victim

I’d be the killer

But it never could be suicide

I’d have tested something...

It’s me

THIS IS MY LIFE!

Remember...
I cry

They may say that I’m missing beautiful life

I go mad

They may worry

I cry, I worry, I go mad but I know...

That I’m crying,

I’m worrying

I'm mad

There is hell of happiness in every corner of my cry

Though they try nobody can reach it

Don't pry in my life

This is my life!

After every whack I still stand

Don’t pretend my feelings

I never mind if you’re not understand

Though my sky s falling down I build it again

I’m not guzzler but hustler

This is my life!

They see me by being in their life

All the time I’m not standing with knife

I may be wounded but...

I hound my dreams, still it’s in my eyes

I shattered at times

But I’m not broken

So soon I can’t be better after bettered

I’m not shy n can’t sly

If I feel I’ll cry

HAPPILY ...

THIS IS MY LIFE!

You Taught Me!

I've slept on your chest till twelve

I was scared at the crowded bus

Holding your hands always brings the courage

I have seen the love between you and mom

Not any cinema taught me to love my girl.. It’s you...

Every morning mom kisses you on your forehead

I see n blush

You notice me.. Hit me on head n laugh

You know that I love you.. But

I’ve never told you that I too love chocolates

I love if you get me before I get into the school bus

I love jeans... but I’ve never asked you one...

I knew how much you struggled to pay my school fees...

I know I was not even loyal to that

I fail... I fail... I fail...

I have never met your expectation...

I score below average

At that age I can’t earn

So I caged all my wishes..

The day you left us all alone

More than in tears I was in a fear whole day

I felt like everyone around there was to whack me

Until I never knew that we have been paying for the electricity we use

About telephone bills we paid...

I have to take care maa.. All I promised to myself that day!

I know you won’t light up when I’m in dark

You have taught me to light up the dark...

What’s there inside?

These days whenever I feel like eating chocolate or ice creams I go for it, no matter that’s lunch time or dinner, whatever. Even in my refrigerator at least for 4 days a week there will be chocolates, coke or Miranda, biscuits and on freezer ice creams, kulfis.

I’m not stuffing those to give to some neighbour kids or to celebrate some day with friends. As like everyday grocery I purchase those and I eat. I might forget to purchase the weekly grocery items but not those stuffs.

Why is that I'm more particular about those chocos and ice creams?

All I remember is on my school days every morning while waiting for our school bus most of my friends come with their dad or mom. All they get is candy, before the school bus reach us their parents run away to get them. I always move far away from them on that time, I never let them to ask me ‘can I get one for you too?’

In school, we have a store like stationary and as well the chocolates. In every break friends go there to buy chocolates, everybody there have their own turn to treat everyone. I never move with those people. Same happens in canteen, too many items, vada, bread bajji, samosa, onion samosa. I never go if I knew that they are planning to go canteen or store to eat. I say some reason and I’ll stay back in class or go to ground alone.

They do offer to those who are not afford to buy, I never show them that me too the one. I gently avoid that situation by going away, alone.

Even in college apart from travelling expense cost I get Rs.50 as pocket money, monthly. I used to save it to go for movie.

Only once I demanded to get me a Winner brand geometry box that should be on 6^th or 7^th standard. That costs Rs.25, after I got that I really felt bad. I thought I should have used the old one. Even now I don’t know what was my father’s earning. But I know whatever he brings is not enough. I have never seen my mom fighting with my dad for not earning sufficient. They were in love, they talk they laugh every day.

I never want to disturb him by asking such things. I know how hard for him to bring my school fees and I’m not loyal to that. I fail in all the exams except the final annual, no idea how was that happened. So I never want to ask those things. I feel that’s not mandatory so I avoid asking.

But by seeing my friends everyday with that I suffered deep inside, no one know that. I hid that in loud laugh.

I guess that deep sufferings are now stuffed inside my refrigerator.