What’s there inside?

These days whenever I feel like eating chocolate or ice creams I go for it, no matter that’s lunch time or dinner, whatever. Even in my refrigerator at least for 4 days a week there will be chocolates, coke or Miranda, biscuits and on freezer ice creams, kulfis.

I’m not stuffing those to give to some neighbour kids or to celebrate some day with friends. As like everyday grocery I purchase those and I eat. I might forget to purchase the weekly grocery items but not those stuffs.

Why is that I'm more particular about those chocos and ice creams?

All I remember is on my school days every morning while waiting for our school bus most of my friends come with their dad or mom. All they get is candy, before the school bus reach us their parents run away to get them. I always move far away from them on that time, I never let them to ask me ‘can I get one for you too?’

In school, we have a store like stationary and as well the chocolates. In every break friends go there to buy chocolates, everybody there have their own turn to treat everyone. I never move with those people. Same happens in canteen, too many items, vada, bread bajji, samosa, onion samosa. I never go if I knew that they are planning to go canteen or store to eat. I say some reason and I’ll stay back in class or go to ground alone.

They do offer to those who are not afford to buy, I never show them that me too the one. I gently avoid that situation by going away, alone.

Even in college apart from travelling expense cost I get Rs.50 as pocket money, monthly. I used to save it to go for movie.

Only once I demanded to get me a Winner brand geometry box that should be on 6^th or 7^th standard. That costs Rs.25, after I got that I really felt bad. I thought I should have used the old one. Even now I don’t know what was my father’s earning. But I know whatever he brings is not enough. I have never seen my mom fighting with my dad for not earning sufficient. They were in love, they talk they laugh every day.

I never want to disturb him by asking such things. I know how hard for him to bring my school fees and I’m not loyal to that. I fail in all the exams except the final annual, no idea how was that happened. So I never want to ask those things. I feel that’s not mandatory so I avoid asking.

But by seeing my friends everyday with that I suffered deep inside, no one know that. I hid that in loud laugh.

I guess that deep sufferings are now stuffed inside my refrigerator.