I can't be goob :P

It’s me...

I never let any relationship get deep to me

But I plant one deep inside me

As they’re me...

Though I know that they gonna leave me...

I hardly trust one

And I pray that they should never understand me

Coz I love the pain of being abandoned

Dark after dark never show the difference

I go to the light... Brightest

Then I smash everything to feel the darkest dark

I lay on one shoulder

I rest on only one nest

I shut all the doors around

I set fire n wander like abandoned child

I love the pain...

It’s not the curse I walk alone

I love to walk like an orphan

As who cares

I run with my own legit

I never want anyone to get me rid out of it

I walk into it again n again

It’s me..

I create complication

I put myself in suffocation

I see myself suffering

I drown in my tears... Bleed... suffer

I never get upset...

If you see me dead

Then believe me I’m not the victim

I’d be the killer

But it never could be suicide

I’d have tested something...

It’s me

On Her Birthday!

Today is her birthday. I’m … sorry we are still in a bed, nothing fishy; I came late from office yesterday. Even last morning I planned to be on time but I missed ‘cause of my work. Strange thing is I received not even a single call from her to remind me. She is still in deep sleep. I want to make something to surprise her.

Still remember her first birthday since we met … mmm .. But at that time we were just below as friends and a point above as strangers. At office a day before her birthday, she came and said that ‘tomorrow is my birthday, will you get me some chocolates’

I was like to ask ‘why should I?’

But she continued not even waiting for my answer ‘without nuts, I’m in diet. Will you? You should’

I smiled at her by nodding.

She continued again, ‘will you call me at 12, … … … ‘cause I like people wishing on  12’

What I can say, again with the same smile I nodded again.

‘mmm’ she said with that smile. I still remember that smile.

I knew few guys proposed her and one who tortured her by messaging daily to accept his proposal. I’m wondering still why this girl wants to be a friend of me. I remember nothing special I did to her since our first meet.

Now, cot is bit disturbing, I think she is awake. I turn around to her side, we are facing our faces close enough.

I, ‘sorry da’

With a smile, ‘mmm… then’

‘then… tell me what I can do for my princess on this special day’

by inhaling deeply and moved her hair back 'you're doing daily'

'Daily?? what??'

‘Why you are doing clean shave daily, even shaving your mustache?’

‘what?’

‘Why-don’t-you-have-mustache’

I reach her lips by holding her hands tightly down. Without any option she tried to push 
me with her lips. A minute … again other … one another … I let her free.

I ‘hope you got the answer’

‘poda, you are killing me’

This is the sentence she used to say since my first kiss. I said nothing ‘cause after that I’m dead always like a male spider.

‘okay loose, sorry I really missed’

‘nothing to say, you always do this even before marriage. You usually miss my call and you never used to call me.’

‘You should have called me yesterday’

By looking at me merely, she puts her hands on my cheek and wipes my lips with thumb, 

‘I born everyday now, every minute is special.’

I kissed her forehead. What precious I can gift to this precious? Her words really have its meaning, ‘you are killing me’ and ‘I born every day now’.

She Still Remains same to me!

She left the office very earlier today. I was little bit busy, as soon as I heard from her colleague I tried to contact her she just said that she is not feeling well and asked me to not to bother. After office I bought bread for us. I saw foot prints made of flour in front of our home.

Carefully, without disturbing those prints I entered home. I was wonder because she is doing something in kitchen. Usually she do but with my company. She was not born with silver spoon but her father brought up her so. I remembered the first dish she tried, she know that I like dosa then idly. Actually both sides were not backed properly and it was already like a pizza. She sliced it in to ‘N’ number. With the same eager and fear I entered in to the kitchen. She was really fighting with that cocker.

“Oye”

She was bit shocked and with disappointed tone, “you came? Mmm … I thought of surprising you by making everything ready when you reach home. But you came early.”

Early? My loose, what happened to you, why you came early? You said that not feeling well n what you are doing now?

With childish smile, I saw a bit of shyness in it, “nothing, you said right, yester day that you are missing those days, Krishna jayanthi celebrations and vinayagar chathurthi recipes. Feel like giving things to you da. Today is Krishna jayanthi.” By rubbing the flours in her hands she finished with that smile.

By merely looking at her I gone back to those days, B.M (before marriage) every day as soon as she woke up, she message me asking “awake?”, “had breakfast?”, that day I said ‘yes’, as usual she found the truth, then usual threats and anger. I asked what she had, she said that kolukattai, and in that day there was some pooja in her home. I said I miss her like anything and even kolukattai too. She really felt bad. Those days we were hardly met each other. Very next day she prepared payaasam for me. Even while having that she asked too many times ‘is it okay?’, I replied ‘you added too much of sugar’. Though she held her spoon, she changed it to left hand and grabbed mine and tasted it. She did it knowingly. That time I realized every man is complete only when he finds his own girl.

“what da? I wasted everything …”

“nothing is waste my princess”

We started backing that half backed kolukattai.

I said “this should prepare for vinayagar chathurthi”

“I know, but you said yesterday, so that I did”

“you did? Oh … what you did?”

“Poda …” our play continued then ...

We backed all half backed kollus as well us!

'Cause it's you!

Evening around 5, we reached home, me n our bingo. Soon after she entered in the home she shouted “M/s Smart I’m home and your genius too” she laughed.

She came out of kitchen, “ohhh! What this little devil wants her mom to do for that” by the way she tried to take her school bag… she smelled something and stared at me … real strange look.

She asked me “don’t you remember what day is today?”
Soon after asked this question, she pulled bingo with her and went in side.

I asked to myself, what day? Birth day, anniversary or day I proposed… mmm … nothing I remember.

I heard “brush like me not like your smart father”
By the way she came to bed room. that time I’m taking off my clothes.

“Pardon me my majesty, I don’t remember” in sarcastic tone.

“ahaa! .. Enough… please stop your non sense… Really you don’t know what you did”

“oh! Let me first get clear my majesty, you want to know what I have done for today or what day is today? Please be sure my lord” I gently nodded my eye brows.

“uff! … you made her to eat bread omelet ….”

I remain silent… what else I do …

“what happened sir … hope now you was clear about what I’m asking …”

“oh! That’s the problem” I smiled.

“I’m serious”

“Okay come here” I pulled her towards me.

“Today is Friday, how come … don’t you remember” she asked me in pleasing tone.

“dei! If you feel it’s a sin or something that should not do, don’t do it for any cost. Any way other week days she gonna have what’s the problem in Friday.”

No reply from her. She still stares at me.

I continued “Don’t –YOU- remember a day after we proposed each other, we met in Bangalore in some mall, and it might be Saturday. You asked me ‘loose if you like to have anything from KFC. Moreover though I said no, you yourself went to buy for me, my dear princess. Then …”

“Okay… enough…” she smiled.

Again I continued “Anyway this is your perception. Don’t insist her, though she is our daughter”
In sarcastic tone she asked me “then why you are not taking now. Justifying for her -WHY-YOU-ARE-NOT?”
I sat on bed and made her to sit on my lap

“Cause my princess doesn’t like that smell”

“anyway that’s someone’s problem … hmmm?” she noded her eyebrows.

“mmm … ‘cause it’s you”

I tried to reach her lips …

“poda” she pushed me and got up from my lap. Then she came near, each of us foreheads clashed. She said “that one thing is I like you so so so much. Don’t go away from me. ok?” she whispered.

Suddenly Bingo opened the door;

She winked and she moved to kitchen by the way she said “don’t do it next time”

me “ai … loo”

“whatever” she left to kitchen

Now my bingo on my lap, “daddy, from tomorrow onwards …”

“you don’t want it right?”


“uhymm, you get me a mint after that” lighting reply, she winkled at me.

We both laughed out loudly.

Love after SorryShe is still sleeping on my chest

Hi all,

It was fine Monday, but not for me.. Since my childhood this might be a worst day..

Now its evening, everything frustrates me to the core, ‘why I’m responsible and answering for someone’s mistake’. Even in cab desk till I’m not getting cab properly.. Have to say the day started with her “MUAH”. Then I didn’t forget to see the last page of my diary in my office. Hmmm.. Once she wrote her name and followed by mine.. That time we were working together.. Everything was fine when I started..

I reached home, I can hear her voice, and I was up to taking off my shoes.

“You know what..”

‘Something she is starting now’ (mind voice) I know I can’t hear those things I interrupted “what is for dinner”

“mmmm, nothing..”

“Nothing, why can’t you inform me before I reach”

“dei I started something I want to finish”

“But I asked why you haven’t start.. Preparing dinner”

“You want your dinner right??, you care nothing”

“mmm”

She is still in kitchen, for this reply I expected something more.. But she is silent..

She “today I went to market I saw my mom, she is still angry with me”

She started..

“oh.. What she told then”

“nothing”

“you are feeling for nothing”

“… … even you shouted for nothing… when I said nothing for dinner.. You… …”

“on that day, you know how your father scolded me, do you think I’ll forget all those things”

“Why you are talking about past now”

“Past?? Oh.. Something happened to me, it’s nothing to talk, for you even though nothing I’ve to pamper”

“PRADEEP” she shouted my name and came out of kitchen.. I can feel that she is standing behind me.. But I didn’t see her face..

“What?? You’ll feel for nothing then I’ve to pamper you every day.. Do you marry me to pamper you?”

“My mom and her angry is nothing for you”

“Oh yeah for you your parent’s angry is worth so much then you’ve to marry that angry not me”

“DAI” she shouted but I can feel something in that dai..

I turned towards her.. She got tears..

I stared her and knee on sofa and lifted her hands up and start hitting me with her hands.. No reaction from her..

“dei loose sorry da” by saying this I pulled her to me and wee fall in sofa.. She is on my lap..

“Loose please, sorry, tell me what happened”

“mmm.. nothing.. What happen to you” she asked by playing with my shirt button..

“Nothing da.. I’m okay.. Tell me what happened to my princess”

“Sorry” she replied then she stared telling what happened..

I can still remember that fellow, actually her father wants him to be his son in law.. Yeah not as her husband because that is his wish about her life.. Her father made him to come in to her life.. He is like psycho.. Later her father come to know about him.. He realized he did a blunder.. But he started torturing her through messages She forwarded his messages, it was horrible.. Where she didn’t tell to her parents.. Because she thought they might feel guilty..

Then it’s obvious.. I mean about her father’s angry.. Who can tolerate, when someone taking such angel away from them..

Even now she used to call that fellow and talk.. To be frank I admired such things..

Only just one year I can say we got married, now I’m 28. I believe before second year anniversary her parents angry will go away else at least must go little bit down..

She slept.. By lying on my chest..

I whispered “loose … … loose”

She tried to open her eyes and said “mmm”

I said in whisper “I love you”

“poda” she closed her eyes again..

After few second she opened her eyes and said “me too” and tried to reach my lips.. Suddenly she stopped and said “no, I won’t give, and then you’ll say that I jabbed you”

We both stared each other for few seconds..

I bend and we hold each others for few minutes..

She asked “hungry??”

I nodded my head..

That moment I felt like I can answer for everyone’s mistake, I need no cab.. i can remember a quote ‘you are blessed to be stressed’

I want to be blessed to frustrate to the core daily..